well it’s official i’m no longer in the twenty week stages and have moved into the dirty thirty. which is actually a pretty good name for it. i feel large and in charge. it’s weird how this pregnancy has shifted. i went from being in my first trimester and terrified of losing the baby again to a pretty straight forward second trimester and now a bit messy third trimester.
as we near the final stages of pregnancy and anxiously await baby goldfish world arrival (and I have nightmares about not getting the epidural in time) (i’m a total sissy when it comes to pain). we are not only trying to educate ourselves on how to raise a child but how to raise a child with a congential heart defect. if all goes according to plan though and according to our babies condition once we are able to have the surgery (hopefully a few months after birth) goldfish will go on to live a healthy normal active life. we might have to be concerned about contact sports but who are we kidding? this kid is half joe and half me. it’s destined for a life of theater and choir and super good grades. (especially if goldfish takes after joe).
we meet with our team of doctors in early june to learn more about exactly how this is going to go and i’m anxious to do so. it’s been about a month since we’ve had the opportunity to let the information sink in. sometimes it hits me really really hard what we are going to have to face in the future. not so much in the surgery, i believe in the doctors and i have a sense of peace about it. don’t remind me of this when it’s actually time to have the surgery. sometimes on my long drive home i let my brain go to the “how the hecks” rather than the “what ifs” . things like how the heck am i going to know what to watch out for symptom wise. how the heck am i ever going to bring the baby back to the hospital for surgery. all these things i let my mind get ahead of myself and i just need to breathe and know it’s going to happen and the only things i can do are pray and educate myself.
oddly enough this whole situation has brought out a parental instinct that i didn’t know or didn’t think i had. throughout this entire pregnancy i never really felt connected to this whole process. that all changed really quickly a few weeks ago and now i feel pretty fiercely connected to this baby. i would have rather have just done it the old fashioned way where you connect once it’s born and you see your baby for the first time but it is what it is.
so now we start the final countdown. we’ve been working like crazy to get the goldfish’s room ready as well as a bunch of other house projects. we’ve been reading up on asvd and birthing etc. oh and registering. thank you all so much for your suggestions. i’m hoping to get some peace and quiet this weekend and get to work on finishing that up!